I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
