That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
