Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
