He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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