Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
