Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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