I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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