he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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