There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So squirting runs in the family.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
