Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
why is half of my head shaved?
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