I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
