good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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