So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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