i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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