So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
