I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
