They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
