My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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