So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
