You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
