omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
