So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wish my penis had a tongue
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
