Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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