apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
