He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
