matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
