Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
