Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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