He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
