chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize