Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
