So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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