I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She's the barista slut.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
