You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
