I want to have your abortion
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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