The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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