so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
