I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize