i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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