please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
