I wish my penis had an off switch
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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