U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
