it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
