i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
