Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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