What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
