I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Did I show you my penis last night?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
