She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
