my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
