Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
