she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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