can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize