New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
