it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
