i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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