I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
