The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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