Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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