So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
