we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
