I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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