My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
