my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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