I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
