I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
