my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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