is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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