My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
