I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
