I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Screwed.edu
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
