Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
