I hate all girls vehemently.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
