I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
