first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
