I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
