its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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