it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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