Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
